The thesis will inevitably change as you revise and develop your ideas—and that is ok!
Start with a tentative thesis and revise as your paper develops.
Search for concrete subjects and active verbs, revising as many "to be" verbs as possible.
A few suggestions below show how specific word choice sharpens and clarifies your meaning.
To avoid misunderstandings, be as specific as possible.
Compare the original thesis (not specific and clear enough) with the revised version (much more specific and clear): The thesis statement should do more than merely announce the topic; it must reveal what position you will take in relation to that topic, how you plan to analyze/evaluate the subject or the issue.
Every paper you write should have a main point, a main idea, or central message.
The argument(s) you make in your paper should reflect this main idea.
Check to see if you need to define your terms (”socialism," "conventional," "commercialism," "society"), and then decide on the most appropriate place to do so.
Do not assume, for example, that you have the same understanding of what “society” means as your reader.